The testimonies of human trafficking survivors expose the real dynamics of modern day slavery, allowing us to improve our understanding of this fast-growing crime. In this interview, Stop Modern Day Slavery founder Rachel sits down with Caelia Croft, a survivor who was trafficked as a young child in a Bulgarian orphanage for about 2.5 years, to learn more.
Hi, Caelia! Thank you for sharing your story with Stop Modern Day Slavery. Before we start, I would like to have you tell us your story.
I was sold by my birth mother into an “orphanage” at birth in Ruse, Bulgaria. I use the term orphanage loosely because it was also a secret child sex trafficking ring. My mother was given roughly $1,000 for me. This orphanage was for ages 0-4, and then you would age out and be sent to the next orphanage that was for ages 4 and up. The orphanage was a giant building with about a couple hundred children and only a small handful of workers. So, alongside the sex trafficking and abuse, there was a lot of neglect as well.
During the day, men would come to the orphanage, and the “caretakers” would let them pick out which children they wanted. We would then be taken into a room in the basement and abused. After we were abused, we would be fed. The main way we would get fed is if we were abused. It would be the men who abused us that would literally hand us a meal after they were done. So, at a very young age, I would associate food with either work or pain. This set me up for a long road of healing with my relationship with food and an eating disorder, which I am still healing from to this day.
At night, our caretakers would walk us across the street into a different building where our abuse would be filmed, sometimes repeatedly for hours… But it would always end the same: with food. I lived in this orphanage until I was around 2.5, when I was adopted out by my parents.
They tried to adopt me much earlier, but the orphanage kept finding excuses to keep me longer. Which, turns out, was something they did to a lot of families trying to adopt. What they would do was try to keep us for as long as they possibly could to continue to keep an income for themselves, as we were their main income.
I now have met multiple people from my same orphanage who have the exact same memories as I do, which is absolutely crazy to me. Tells me it’s been going on for a long time…
What was life in the orphanage like?
A lot of people assume orphanages are very loud but they’re actually silent. When a baby cries and no one responds they eventually learn to stop crying. So, in our orphanage of about 200 kids, you would rarely hear a baby cry. It was then that I learned crying and negative emotion get you nowhere. In fact, it usually leads to abuse. So, to this day, I’m still learning to navigate negative emotion and learn that it’s actually healthy to express it and release it.
I honestly don’t remember eating unless I was abused. I just remember getting abused than the men throwing me a bottle or a bowl of food, almost like a dog. I remember one circumstance where they gave me my food, but then realized something was wrong with the camera and then they took away my food, re-abused me, and then gave me the food again.
I’m pretty sure everyone who worked at the orphanage was in on it. My adoptive parents had absolutely no idea what happened to me until I told them later. Now, though, they’re able to look back and see the signs.
You mentioned that your birth mother was paid by the orphanage for you. How did you discover this? What impact did it have on you?
On the back of my birth certificate, there was writing in Bulgarian and a lot of numbers. I had someone I know who I trusted translate it. Turns out, it was quite literally a receipt.
Also, my birth certificate is not very official-looking. It’s kind of just something the orphanage threw together to get me out of the country. My birthday is kind of just a guess at this point. They did what they had to do to get me out of there, and I’m thankful for that!
Processing all this was extremely difficult as you can imagine… Realizing early in life, my worth was found in money and sex… That’s literally all I was to those people… Now that I’m older, I have found my true identity in the Lord. I am a beloved child of God, and I am worth more than just my body. And I now get the honor and privilege of using my testimony to help other people!
When did you begin to understand that what happened to you as a child had been a form of human trafficking? How did you react?
What’s really interesting is that I actually have had a heart for human trafficking before I even fully realized what I had been through. It’s just really crazy to realize how the Lord uses what we’ve been through and our testimony all for his glory before we even realize it.
I was in my early/mid-20s when I fully started realizing what had happened to me. And depression definitely hit hard. That’s when some pretty intense suicidal thoughts came in, and I even attempted a couple times. A lot of identity issues slipped in. I felt really alone because it’s hard to find other people that have been through that kind of trauma, especially at that age.
My story is pretty different from other people’s. So, I definitely felt alone, and sometimes still do. It’s in those moments where I have to let other people in, as hard as it is, allow them to speak truth and life into me. And ultimately lean on the Lord in those dark moments.
Have there been any lasting effects of having been trafficked as a child?
Yes, absolutely. I would say that for me, I do have quite a few lasting effects. My eating disorder is probably the biggest one. I’m still learning to have a healthy relationship with food.
Another big one is learning to allow myself to actually have negative emotions and learning to allow other people into that. Learning to trust other people is a big one. I often isolate myself whenever I’m struggling rather than letting people in.
And, of course, I am still healing physically from the abuse as well. When you’re abused that young, there’s a lot of physical damage that is done. I recently had to have a full reconstructive surgery that did not give us the results that we had hoped for. However, over the last couple weeks, through lots and lots of prayer, the Lord completely healed and restored my body, and I am now walking in complete physical healing! So, I now will be able to get pregnant and have babies! As of a couple weeks ago, this was something that I was not going to be able to do. So yes, there are a lot of things that I still do carry with me because of my trauma, but slowly, I am healing both physically and emotionally.
And I don’t consider myself a victim of my traffickers, but instead a survivor, and a beautiful redemption story of what the Lord can do when you give it to Him.
What would you say to your birth mother if you could speak with her today?
I would tell her that I forgive her, and that I love her… Because the truth is, I don’t know her life circumstances. I don’t know what her life looked like and what made her make the choices she made.
All I know is that she had 25+ children, almost all by different men… Which tells me that she was likely a prostitute or trafficked herself. She was a lost and broken woman who desperately needed love. And if the Lord can forgive me for all the stuff I’ve done in my life, I can forgive her. I do know that she passed away, though. I almost had the opportunity to meet her, but she ended up passing away right before we had that opportunity to meet over FaceTime. But if we had the chance to meet again, that is what I would tell her.
That’s very powerful. What impact do you hope your story has on others?
I hope it shows people that redemption is possible… And that healing is possible… And that even though it’s hard, forgiveness is also possible… Your trauma is not your identity…
I also hope it brings awareness that child sex trafficking is happening. I understand that mine, of course, was in a different country, but it is also happening here in America. And turning a blind eye and pretending that it’s not happening, doesn’t change anything. Because eventually, these kids grow up, and we need better resources for them to heal.
Agreed! What advice would you give to others beginning a similar journey of uncovering childhood exploitation and abuse?
I would say hang on tight because it’s about to be a wild ride, haha! There will be ups and downs, and at times, it’s going to feel like it’s not even worth it.
I would also say lean into your community, even though it’s really hard to trust people. The trick is finding the right people, though. I think sometimes it’s tempting to not want to dig up the past, but it’s hard to heal from what you don’t know is broken. Because, for a long time, I knew something had obviously happened to me, I just didn’t know all the details.
What are the biggest misconceptions you have heard regarding human trafficking?
Human trafficking blends in more than you think it does… A lot of the time, I think people think it’s going to stand out and it’s going to be obvious. But really, someone who is being trafficked is going to blend into society really well. They could be someone you pass on the street, and you have absolutely no idea.
Another big misconception I think is that someone who’s being trafficked should just leave their trafficker, and it’s really not that easy… There’s a lot of manipulation and coercion involved that you don’t see.
What do you wish others understood about human trafficking?
Something I would definitely want people to know is how important aftercare is. I think a lot of people are teaching how to spot the signs of human trafficking and bring awareness to it, which is amazing and definitely a huge step in the right direction. But an area that I see a lot of lacking in is aftercare. What do we do with someone once they’ve left their trafficker? What do we do with someone once they’re free? I personally have walked quite a few ladies out of trafficking, and we always struggle with what to do once they’re free. There’re never enough safe houses, there’re never enough rehabilitation places that are trauma-informed in trafficking, and there’re just not enough resources for aftercare.
We can’t just be informed about what trafficking is. We have to have a better plan for what to do with these women once they’re free. Because if we don’t, they’re going to go right back and continue the cycle of abuse.
Caelia, thank you very much sharing your story with us! To read more interviews with survivors of human trafficking, please click here.
