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What Baby Reindeer Teaches Us About Stalking, Grooming, and Sexual Abuse

With a spot on Netflix’s Top 10 and an impressive 98% rating, Baby Reindeer has taken the world by storm. The limited series features a true story that at once grips the audience: how a man became a victim of stalking, grooming, and sexual assault. However, it is more than “just a stalker story,” according to Richard Gadd, the show’s creator and real-life inspiration. Baby Reindeer is a heavily intriguing and emotional series that peels back the layers of abuse that affected him as a victim of a famous show writer.

Gadd’s narrative provides a deep dive into themes of exploitation, manipulation, and peer pressure, which draws parallels to human trafficking. Through compelling storytelling, it sheds light on the intricacies of both stalking and human trafficking, offering a glimpse into the challenges faced by individuals trapped in such situations.

Baby Reindeer on Netflix

Men Too  

One important aspect of Baby Reindeer is its discussion of male sexual abuse and grooming. Often, men are not considered to be vulnerable or capable of being abused; many people believe it is only women who are at risk. By highlighting a male victim, this series is turning the tables on those common misconceptions in a unique way. Gadd recognizes the widespread belief that men are impervious to the threat of abuse, and says, “I had all of these broken ideas of what it means to be a man, and this doesn’t happen to a man.” The true-to-life events of the series help shed light on the abuse that can happen as a result of being manipulated by unrealistic promises. 

In an interview on YouTube titled “The True Story Behind Baby Reindeer,” Gadd details the process of filming and writing a series based on the chaotic and disturbing events of his twenties. He mentions how he hopes the show will teach the audience about grooming while helping victims of grooming to feel less stigmatized. He says, “A lot of abuse occurs in very intimate relationships. I think I wanted to show just how complicated and psychologically messed up situations can get to. And so, I hope, that when [people who have been through similar things] see it, that they feel less shame around it.” Since the series aired, Gadd has used his platform to promote his work with “We Are Survivors,” an organization that helps male victims of sexual abuse in the UK.  

Image from Baby Reindeer on Netflix

Controlling Victims with Drugs and Alcohol

As a true story, the series also provides a realistic depiction of how traffickers and groomers manipulate their targets. When picturing human trafficking, one might think of the movie Taken and imagine a victim being abducted by a stranger. However, this is rarely the case. In actuality, human trafficking and grooming are most often carried out by acquaintances or other trusted individuals using emotional manipulation rather than physical force. The victims are lured in with a sense of false security and like Gadd, are sometimes already suffering from some form of addiction that leaves them especially vulnerable.

In a recently updated case from 2021, a man named Bruce Bemer was charged with soliciting sex specifically from men recovering from substance abuse. Bemer would pretend to be the sponsor for multiple men who had recently exited rehab so he could take advantage of their additions. By encouraging them to relapse, it was easier for Bemer and his cohort to control the victims and sell them into sex trafficking. In addition to being under the influence of drugs, the victims were pressured financially to provide for themselves under the care of these “sponsors.” Attorney Joel Faxon recalls his time as the men’s representative, saying, “They’d have a drug debt, and then they’d have a rent debt, and then they’d have a room and board debt, and a food debt — and they’d ultimately all have to perpetually be paying him off while they were trapped here.”

As many people know, treatment centers are a crucial part of the journey to recovery from addiction. However, the traffickers know this as well, and they use it to their benefit. Some sober living homes have even been reported to be owned and operated by traffickers in hopes of attracting at-risk individuals. In the state of Massachusetts, near where Bremer’s crimes occurred, only 177 of about 350 sober living homes are registered with the Massachusetts Alliance for Sober Housing, an organization that aims to prove the legitimacy of these homes. Therefore, many of the homes are unregulated and active traps for those in need. Though there are state regulations a facility must follow, they are not routinely inspected or enforced, and often, it is extremely difficult to prove that trafficking activity is taking place. Additionally, the incidents are severely underreported. Because of this, it is difficult to pinpoint a trafficking operation, which proves the importance of reporting suspicious activity as a victim or witness to the National Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888 or on its website

Image from Baby Reindeer on Netflix

Survivors with Hope

Unfortunately, Gadd’s story in Baby Reindeer is not uncommon. In many cases, a person may become a victim of human trafficking or grooming by falling into the clutches of those who promise fame or success. Much like the stories of other victims, Gadd was exploited using drugs and manipulation by somebody he was close to. Often, success or safety is only promised to get the target to give in to the abuser, creating a power imbalance in favor of the abuser. Keeya Vawar, a survivor of human trafficking who was interviewed by Stop Modern Day Slavery, has a story reminiscent of Gadd’s. She became a victim after meeting a “young millionaire record producer” in Atlanta who promised her money and safety. Unfortunately, these promises turned out to be empty words in an attempt to trap her in sex trafficking and abuse. Her story is tragically just a drop in the bucket of human trafficking survivors. To read more about her story and others’, click this link

Although Baby Reindeer and this information about stalking, grooming, and abuse may seem bleak, there is hope for the future of ending human trafficking and modern slavery. For more information on how you can get help, become a part of our organization, or stay up to date on what is being done to stop these criminal acts, visit our website.

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