Listening to the stories of human trafficking survivors provides an invaluable glimpse into the horrors of modern day slavery. In this interview, Stop Modern Day Slavery founder Rachel speaks with Nicole, a survivor who was trafficked for six years following her high school graduation.
Hello, Nicole! Thank you so much for joining me today to answer some questions about your experience as a human trafficking survivor. I am so honored to be able to help you share your story. You are welcome to share as much or as little of what happened to you as you are comfortable with.
Of course! I am so excited to be able to share this with you and others in the hope that it can help someone.
Where do I begin?
I grew up in a tiny town, a tiny country town. I was an only child my whole life. I struggled to be happy, and I always wanted others to be happy despite the cost. My parents loved me with all their hearts, but they were so strict towards my actions in junior high and high school. I grew up in church every time the doors were open. I loved God and I believed in him, but I never had the feeling it seemed like others had. I always felt an empty hole for some reason. I graduated high school at 17 years old as 8th in my class and could not have been happier. I had some close friends, good parents, and plenty of college scholarships. I was going to start college the following fall with a major in psychology and a minor in sociology. I could not wait to get a career to help people and make a difference somehow somewhere. Oh, how I could not have imagined at that moment how different things would turn out…
I spent 6 years in the game, and I am currently 3.5 years out. During the six years I was trafficked by 5 men, 4/5 of them grew up in the same small town that I am originally from. 4/5 of them would walk the streets everyday looking for the next girl to add to their life. I loved every one of my traffickers. It was not until the past year that I realized that not one of them EVER loved me. It is a struggle every single day! I understand that I am different now from a lot of people in the world because of the things that I lived and experienced, but I am thankful for who I am today. I experienced murder, love, human trafficking, drug trafficking, robbery, addiction, and abuse throughout those six years. On my 25th birthday, I literally ran away and escaped my trafficker.
The states that I was trafficked in were:
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, and Wisconsin.
When your trafficker took your phone, you were no longer able to contact your family, your roommate, or your friends. What did they do when you stopped responding to their messages or returning their calls?
I was not aware that my trafficker was my trafficker whenever we went out of town together. Once we had arrived in Texas, he told me that if I gave him my phone, he was going to get me a new one, one of the newer iPhone models. I willingly gave him my phone because he was an older man with a lot of money that I was sure I was in love with and going to spend the rest of my life with. A few hours later he came back to the hotel with a flip phone from the grocery store and told me that he programed both of his numbers and his mom’s number in the phone in case I needed anything. He said that those were the only numbers that I needed at that time and that no one else needed my new number. I really did not know how to feel or react to that, but whenever he saw me act a little hesitant, he said that he’s going to teach me how to be the woman he wants me to be and once I am that woman that I can contact my friends and family to show them the new me.
I know that my family and a few of my friends were very worried. One tried to file a missing person report and my parents tried to go to the police. I later found out that my parents had went to the police to file a report many times but were told that, since I was of age and since I told people that I was not forced to be there, that there was nothing they could do. I remember vaguely one time after a report was made from my parents in Arkansas, that I was pulled over in a traffic stop in some part of California. The cop asked for my driver’s license/ID and for my insurance and registration. My trafficker was with me and assured me that everything would be okay if I did not tell them anything and I acted normal. He said that if I even acted weird one time that they would take me away from him and that I probably wouldn’t have the chance to see him again. The police asked me if I had talked to my parents lately and then asked if I would like to. They then asked me if I was okay, safety wise, or if I felt I needed any type of support or help. Of course, I told the cop I did not need any help, so hands were tied as to what anyone could do for or to me regarding my trafficking situation. I was never alone when the cop gave me the opportunity to answer these questions.
Many times, human traffickers manipulate their victims into believing that nothing is wrong. What made you realize that the situation you were placed into was human trafficking?
Honestly, it was not until a year or two after I escaped the entire situation did, I realize that I was involved with human trafficking. Not only was I told repeatedly that nothing is wrong with the situation or the life that I was being forced to live. There was a lot of times that he would get in my face and yell at me saying, “no one’s forcing you to be here, you drove yourself here.” Whenever I tell people my story, they always ask why I did not leave. Well, his saying that was not an invitation to leave. SO MANY people hear the words human trafficking, and they immediately think of the girls in a boat, or big shipping containers, tied up, blindfolded. Yes, that does happen, but it took me a long time to realize that trafficking happened to me. It happens every single day right in front of our faces. Do you know what would happen if I did not go where he told me to go? If I did not do what he told me to do? I remember I was so sick with the flu one time, and he was forcing me to get up, get dressed, and go to work. He told me that whenever I get $2,000, I can come back home. I was so sick, and I just felt like I could not do it. I told him I would work extra hours on the weekend, but I was not going to work that night because I would be worthless, he took my bag and threw it down the stairs that we had in our house and then he pushed me out of the room and then down the stairs with my bag. I told myself that he loved me and that he cared about me for more than the money and the material things, but it was that exact moment that I realized he didn’t. It was that moment that I realized this was more than girlfriend/boyfriend, more than two people who “love” each other, I was his personal ATM and I could not ever say no.
How were you finally able to escape? What made you decide to leave?
It was the night of my 25th birthday that I finally realized I had to leave. Abuse was normal to me, I had learned how to avoid it or avoid him, in the moment. I cannot count the number of times that I was yelled at, given the silent treatment, hit, slapped, kicked, pushed, and talked down to. In April of 2018, I was hurt so badly I had to go to the emergency room. I was pushed down and beaten with a hammer axe. I will never forget that day, he pushed me down on the bed and punched me in my jaw 4-5 times over and over, then he picked up the axe and began hitting me in my spine multiple times. At the time he was doing this he was on the phone with his closest friend, and they were both laughing at me. I had trouble standing up and was unable to walk after this, so he took me to the hospital the next day. Being that I was extremely injured and in pain, I was unable to go to “work” for a week or so, which made him even more upset at me. Laying in the hospital bed, I made a promise to myself that I knew I had to stand on. I promised myself that no matter how I feel, if he ever touched me again, I had to leave. The night of my birthday, he became mad at me because I did not want to go to the club with him and his friends. I had not talked to my parents in quite some time, so I called my mom… When she answered, some strong feelings came over me. I started tearing up and telling my mom I was 25 years old now and that I don’t understand what I was doing. While I was on the phone with her, he came in and was mad I was talking to my mom and he grabbed my phone and threw it across the room, then he looked at me with rage and shoved me into the wall. I passed out and whenever I woke up, I knew it was time I had to go. I asked him if I could go to the convenient store down the street and he mumbled yes and threw a $20 bill at me. I got my purse and got my dog and went to the car. He noticed that I had my dog with me and started yelling at me for acting weird and taking my dog with me if I was just going to the gas station. We had a pool table in our front living room, and he was taking the pool balls off the table and throwing them through the windshield in my car. He quickly made the car undrivable, but he did not actually hit me. So, me and my dog got out of the vehicle and quickly got into another vehicle we had. Once we got into the car I drove as fast as I could from Denver, Colorado to Arkansas.
How was your transition from being trafficked to being free? Did you have a place to stay? Where did you go?
I had a friend named Jessica that was close like a sister to me before I was involved in the trafficking situation, but even after she stayed as close to me as she could. We would talk on the phone any chance that I was given to be alone as well as talked often on facetime. I remember one time he brought me to my hometown just so WE could go to dinner and talk and hangout with Jessica. He used to always try to get me to fly her down so that we could hang out at home, and I could show her Houston or Denver, but I never did. On the times that he would hurt me, I would call Jessica or FaceTime her. She would always see the result of his anger. Jessica would continuously tell me that I deserved better and that I should not stay with him. She would offer me to come live with her and help me get myself together to be independent and okay without him, but I was never ready to make that decision. Finally, on June 17, 2018, I was driving, frantically and scared, and called Jessica, I told her that I finally left and that I was on my way to her house. I told her I would only need to stay a few weeks to get my money and my emotions together (little did I know it would take years, not weeks). Whenever I told her that, she started stuttering and talking fast. She told me that she was scared and that her child’s father was staying at her house, and she did not feel comfortable with me being there with her kids. I continued to drive home but honestly, I thought me, and my dog (Amber Rose) were going to be homeless.
I had reached out to my mom and asked if me and Amber Rose were allowed to come there, and they told me yes. I knew it was going to be uncomfortable and a major adjustment, but I could not be on the streets alone with my dog, we had done that too many times. I could not imagine how things were going to be as I had not truly seen my parents in years. They had no clue who I was anymore. After watching me run away from the game and then return four times, it was going to be so awkward to be around them. I knew that they did not trust me, nor did they know what to expect from me. But one thing I can and will always say is that my parents cannot even begin to understand how grateful I am that they allowed me and Amber Rose to come to the house that day. There is no way I would be where I am today if I had gone anywhere else that day. They have helped me heal and grow and truly have helped me rediscover who I actually am.
That is amazing! What has your healing journey been like? What has helped you process and heal from everything you were put through?
My healing journey has been hard, to say the least. I remember when I came home I thought that I would be fine in a few months and be back to living life, no way. Healing from the abuse, trafficking, sadness, THE LIFE, is extremely hard! I escaped the game and my trafficker successfully June 17, 2018, it has been over three years since I have been home with family. I am incredibly blessed with a job that I plan to make a lifelong career. My coworkers and administration are amazing and have made me feel included and they give me a purpose to be there each day. I am blessed with parents that are patient with me and there for me every day. I still live with family because I know in my mind that I am not mentally ready to live alone yet. I am not sure when that day will come but I am so thankful that during this healing process my parents are right there with me supporting each move. I have found that journaling is very therapeutic to me. I really enjoy journaling because not only does it help me get all my feelings out onto paper, but it also helps me see my progress whenever I go back to read old journal writings. The gym is something else that has been an incredible saving grace for my life, my mental health, and my healing. I have been blessed for an incredible woman to walk into my life as a personal trainer, but also an amazing best friend that is such a wonderful influence on my life. I have never had a best friend that makes sure to tell me she loves me whenever we get off the phone, but she does. I think that to successfully heal from any sort of trauma or heartbreak; you HAVE TO HAVE a circle of supporters to surround you every second of everyday!
Definitely! It sounds like you really benefited from having a strong support system. What do you wish people knew about human trafficking?
I wish that people knew that human trafficking was real. Growing up, I do not recall one time during church or school or any activity that spoke of human trafficking. Once I started truly learning about human trafficking and the signs and the actions to be aware of, I became upset of how little I was told about trafficking while growing up. Even as a young adult, exiting my teenage years, my family and I still did not acknowledge that human trafficking was real. I think that my experience with human trafficking helped so many in my community realize that trafficking is real, and that trafficking can happen to anyone, despite their upbringing.
What keeps you going in life despite all you have been put through?
This is probably the hardest question that you have asked me. There are three specific people that literally keep me going each day. My parents (mom & dad) keep me going and give me a reason to keep trying to move forward. If it was not for my parents, I would be homeless, dead, or still in human trafficking. They allowed me in their home after 6-7 years of not knowing where I was or who I had become. I know there are days where they probably feel annoyed with me always being around, but they do not understand just how much they mean to me or how much I appreciate everything they have done and are still doing for me. The other person that helps keep me going in life is my friend Stephanie. She has been a literal life saver to me throughout my healing.
What advice would you give to a survivor of human trafficking who has recently escaped?
I know it feels wrong, but it’s not. You did the right thing by escaping and leaving, despite how you feel. The biggest struggle that I faced was the war between my head and my heart. Chapter 4 in the book of James helped me more than I can explain. It speaks of the battle between the mind and the heart. I strongly encourage anyone that has recently escaped and exited the game to dig in your Bible.
NOTHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WAS YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can say that again! Finally, how do you think we can best advocate against human trafficking? What can the average person do to help eliminate the exploitation of other human beings?
Make people aware! Do not wait until it happens to someone close to you or yourself to believe that this is a real thing that is happening every day.
Nicole, this has been an extremely eye-opening conversation. Thank you for answering my questions in such detail. For more interviews with survivors of human trafficking, please click here.
