Listening to the stories of human trafficking survivors provides an invaluable glimpse into the horrors of modern day slavery. In this interview, Stop Modern Day Slavery founder Rachel speaks with Dr. Mary Kaye Holmes, a survivor of human trafficking.
Thank you, Dr. Holmes, for speaking with me today. I truly appreciate your commitment to educating others on human trafficking through this interview. To begin, I would like to invite you to tell us your story in however much detail you are comfortable with. It is up to you to decide what you share with us.
Thank you for the opportunity. I was 15 years old when I met my trafficker, but it wasn’t until I was 38 years old that I understood that I was trafficked. When I met him, he was 21 years my senior (36 years old) and I was just a young girl in high school. He showered me with gifts and shopping sprees. He took me to restaurants and exposed me to a life that wasn’t familiar to me. I was raised on welfare and lived in poverty, but he had a promise of a life where money was not a concern. It wasn’t long before he exploited me and had me transporting kilos of pure cocaine across state lines. The dealers would slip the drugs under the table in a Bronx, NY restaurant and into my backpack. It was my job to get the drugs into Connecticut where he taught me how to “cook” the cocaine, turn it into crack, weigh it out, bag it up into small baggies and distribute it on the streets of New Haven, CT. I was groomed into being his drug mule.
I eventually ended up pregnant and trapped in his tiny one-bedroom apartment about an hour or so away from my family and friends. I wasn’t allowed to contact anyone, use the phone or answer it, or leave the apartment building. He isolated me from everyone I knew and loved. The relationship also turned physically abusive. Seven years later, when I finally executed my escape plan, he beat me so badly in front of our children that when he got tired of using his fists he took off his Timberland boot and started to beat me with it. However, I escaped that day for good. Unfortunately, I ran into the arms of a pimp and ended up revictimized. I was once again exploited when this pimp held a debt over my head and manipulated me into a life of prostitution and stripping. It didn’t take me seven years to escape this time, but once I got out of the trap of prostitution it took me years to heal, recover and overcome.
What does it feel like when you tell your story? Empowering? Nerve-racking?
It used to feel nerve-racking, but now I feel a sense of gratitude and responsibility when I share my story. I used to be afraid of what people would say when I opened up about my past, but then I realized that my past produced an extraordinary ability in me to rescue others from a life of trauma. I knew that I was meant to survive the setbacks I endured – and not just so that I can talk about it and heal by exposing the horrors I experienced, but so that someone else can hear and have hope. I want people to know that they too can come out of trauma and not just survive, but thrive!
That’s wonderful! So, while you were being trafficked, you still attended school. Were there any signs of human trafficking that people around you ignored? Who could have noticed something was wrong? How could they have helped you?
There were definitely signs that others could have picked up on had they known what to look for. If there was a heightened awareness, I’m sure those closest to me would have seen the red flags of trafficking. Sadly, most people that were close to me saw the signs of domestic violence, abuse, manipulation, control, etc. But human trafficking was not on their radar. It just wasn’t a part of the language of those who knew me back then. Some of the signs included the change in behavior and the isolation that gradually took place. Also, the sudden change in the way I dressed and the expensive clothes I started wearing. When I lost contact with close relatives and friends and no one knew where to find me, that should have been the biggest red flag. However, most people that knew me blamed it all on the fact that I was with a controlling partner – and unfortunately, that never seemed urgent enough for them to rescue me because I was brainwashed and didn’t appear to want to be rescued.
I’m so sorry no one picked up on those red flags. It’s unfair that people excused your situation of a controlling partner and did not look deeper into what was happening. Speaking of misunderstandings, what do you think are some of the biggest misconceptions about human trafficking?
Most people think human trafficking has to involve movement or taking a person from one place to another. However, that’s not always the case. In many instances a person can be trafficked right in their own home. Another misconception is that victims of trafficking are physically unable to leave their trafficker. There’s this visual of a victim locked away in a basement and held captive, but it doesn’t always happen this way. Sometimes a victim may be allowed to come and go as they please, but they are trapped and held captive in their mind.
Absolutely! There are so many misconceptions about human trafficking that make it difficult for victims to self-identify and get help. Now, let’s take a look at one of your biggest accomplishments. In 2019, you graduated from New York Law School and began providing pro bono legal services to victims of domestic violence and wrongful convictions. Congratulations! Was that a full circle moment for you? What was it like helping those who had been in your situation?
During my law school career I had the amazing opportunity to work as a student attorney for victims of wrongful convictions. The greatest feeling was when my first client was exonerated after fighting for his freedom for 44 years! My contribution to that case helped to change someone’s forever and I am grateful that I got to be a part of history. I stay in contact with my client to this day and he even co-authored a book with me called Outlive the Labels.
I also represented women who were victims of domestic violence and it absolutely felt like a full circle moment for me. Prior to applying to law school I had this nagging fear that I could not speak up and stand up for others because I struggled for so long to speak up for myself. I visualized myself in the courtroom fumbling with paperwork and looking visibly nervous and this made me almost give up my lawyer dreams. However, I faced the fear and forged ahead anyway! I’m so glad that I didn’t give up because standing in those courtrooms and being an advocate for those women made me realize that I am walking in my God-given purpose.
I’m so happy to hear that you persevered and have been able to help so many people! What advice would you give to survivors of human trafficking and abuse?
My advice to other survivors of human trafficking and abuse is that you can outlive labels, overcome trauma, and live a successful life, but it takes determination and a mindset shift. You have to see yourself as more than your story and in order to be a success, you cannot stay stuck at the point of your pain. What happened, happened. You didn’t deserve it, it wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t ask to be exploited or abused. You deserve the best that life has to offer. Get the help you need because it’s available to you. Take advantage of mental health resources, find your tribe and support system, and speak out about your experience if you are ready to do so. Holding it in can sometimes make you feel like a ticking time bomb – when the opportunity arises to let it out, please do! Live your truth, own your story and pull the next person out of the fire – YOU GOT THIS!
Thank you, Dr. Holmes, for speaking with me today about your life as a survivor of human trafficking! I am so grateful for the opportunity to share stories like yours with the world.
